Thursday, March 11, 2010

frustrated and well...just darn mad

I don't ever complain on my blog
I know there are peeps who wish I would "share" (complain) more
I know there are those of you who relish a little drama
and little controversy
I have seen it spread like wildfire on other blogs
I have never wanted my blog to be that kind of place
I don't really air my dirty laundry here
believe me I air it...but not here

Sure I whined when I sewed my finger to a towel last year...but can ya blame me
other than that.....well this blog has been pretty light

that is ALL about to change
for a minute anyway
I am ILL
banging my head on the wall
pacing in circles
steaming from my ears
Do any of you have a brother
a troubled brother
a brother that took the wrong road a long time ago
and keeps on truckin'
and there a person
in your family that you have the HIGHEST love admiration and respect for
and that person enables.....piratically supports.....and unbeknownst to him probably
has aided and abetted more than once.
It frustrates
to want your brother to get better
to heal
to rise above and do something with his life
a precious life
that he has been given
what is it in some some individuals that they are so blind
and that would be referring to my brother and the enabling family member
I seriously just need to SCREAM
I understand that people think you can love a person enough to make them better
but you can't...not when that love is enabling
Tough Love is needed was needed years ago
it's needed NOW breathing gets so shallow just thinking about
this helpless.....seemingly hopeless situation
I makes my head is this my brother??
how ??
The little booger who carried a ShirtTales backpack to
kindergarten...this little boy that I protected and yea every once in a while
How does this family is wonderful...normal....stable...then we have him.
I know its a sickness....I get that....doesn't change that is FRUSTRATING !!!!

now...that was out of the ordinary huh?
no clue why I had to post that...just did.
If you read the whole thing.....thanks......cause I have talked and complained everyone around here blue in the face.
I am exhausted...and I am mad.

Prayers are welcomed and needed

have a happy day
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Jessica said...

I will pray for your brother.

I have a brother like that. Luckily, some tough love was applied, and some serious family sacrifice to move 3,000 miles away from certain influences he was around, and a huge HUGE miracle (if I had seen him literally raised from the dead I am not sure it would have been more of a miracle), it's been five years of having back my brother, it's amazing.

I know how very frustrating and heartbreaking it is to watch your little brother take the wrong path, I pray for you the joy of seeing him on the right one.

Allison @ House of Hepworths said...

{{Big HUGS}}


Sandra said...

Hugs to you.
I'm guessing how you feel about your brother is how I feel about my sister so hope that means I can pray better :)

littledeadmommy said...

I'm split on this one. And unfortunetly I understand all too well. I had two brothers. One of them got on the wrong path and got a little tough love....the "wrong path" ended up a very short one and now I only have one brother. I guess it depends on the person and they are ultimatley the ones responsible for their own lives adn what they decide to do. The word enabler gets me. There will always be an "enabler" and the worst one is themselves. Hope that makes sense because I'm terrible at explaing what I'm thinking.
You can't control what your brother does or if someone "enables" him. The most you can do is hope and pray and try to get him the help that he needs. Don't ever stop trying. even a pause isn't worth it.

Heidi said...

I'm guessing the enabler is a parent. Parents will always try to see the good in their child and hope that "this time will be different". Anyway my brother-in-law stole from an employer and was doing cocaine. His parents paid a lot of money to keep him from going to jail. He eventually got his act together and became a stellar person. He made everyone proud with his turnaround. I hope your brother finds his way out too. In the meantime you could recommend AL-Anon. It is a program for the relatives of people who are alcholics and drug users. Maybe the enabler could learn that ultimately they are only hurting him. Good luck to you and your family.

Kelly O. said...

I am living that life. you are not alone.
My brother has made the choice to forgo counseling or treatment of his bi-polar issues.
He has left his wife and his sweet 7 month old for another woman. Another life.
Where no one cares enough about him to bug him to do the right thing.
it's tough.
but God is sovereign. He knows.

it's hard to just sit by when you know the actions of others are just complicating things.
I know all too well.
I'm sorry.

Polly@MakeMineBeautiful said...

Sadly, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about and how you're feeling. Only you can add two sisters to that brother as well in my case. What I've discovered is that the enabler has to finally be broken emotionally by the user in order to realize that the user only cares for what they can from the enabler, not the enabler themselves.

What can you do about it? Unfortunately probably not much. Users are also often times master manipulators and marterers and they can make that enabler feel sorry for them enough to where the enabler truly believes if they don't help them no one will and then it will be their fault if something happens to them. It's hard to reason with either of them.

When the enabler in my family complaines about what the users have/are doing, I just say that I can't be a part of it because I don't support either of their actions. You have to learn to separate yourself or it will drive you to where you are right now.

Its hurts to watch our loved ones get sucked in, but until they understand that the user's world won't stop if they stop giving, they will only do what they think is their responsibility.

At some point you just have to let go and let people learn on their own and fend for themselves. My siblings hate it when I show up in town because they know they won't get their way. In fact I just moved 1300 miles to be closer to my mom so that they can't take advantage of her anymore. I didn't even tell them until I was already moved.

Be strong for your loved one and let them know you're there for them but you wont support their actions towards the user.

LibraryGirl62 said...

sending you some "been there" love~

Anonymous said...

You are in my prayers. I am so sorry. In His time....

Whimsical Creations said...

Hugs and prayers.

Texas Gal said...

(((hugs))) and lots of prayers for all of your family members. Soo hard. It's sad really. Hope it starts looking up soon ~