No Vintage Goodies Here .... This Time It's Deep

If you came here for a craft or a recipe
or some delicious vintage sheets.
Come back another day and you will get your wish.

This post is about feelings.

Up until  several weeks ago I have remained untouched by sickness.
My family has been healthy and well forever and a day.
That all changed in an instant.
In a flash.
In a blink.

Just a bit of back story.

My dad left when I was young.
I did not see him for a long time.
That's a pain that got worse as I got older.
He's in my life now.
In what capacity it's hard to say.
We talk on the phone weekly.
I only see him 3-5 times a year
including holidays.
Even though he only lives 45 mins away.
But it works.
For us both.
It's difficult to be too much more.
It's not an issue of forgiveness.
There is just not a relationship, or is there ?
It's confusing.
It wasn't really...until he got sick.
And now I realize how confusing it really is.

It's hard to be there for someone that you are not there for.
I know that sentence goes in circles and appears to make zero sense
 but it's quite accurate if you think about it.
(I just realized when I write about my feelings it appears quite jumbled but
these are my feelings....just trust me...stay with me...ok?)
It feels like it might be harder to lose a parent you never had than to lose a parent you had.
Man...that sentence sounds crazy too.

Now do not mistake that he is dying
He is not.
He is being treated as we speak and we have high hopes.
His doctors are optimistic.
Which is good.
But I had to think about it.
I was kinda forced to.
Death of a parent.
Something I have never had to think about....not in a serious this could really happen sense anyway.

When I think of losing my Dad.
I am forced to do just that.
Think.
About all the times we didn't have.
All the things we didn't say.
All the lessons he did not teach me.
All the places we didn't go.
I will lose my Dad and along with that, my chance to have a Dad.
As long as he is still here the above mentioned things can still happen.
Right ?

I am praying that I do right by him while he is sick.
It's difficult when I don't know my place.
It's awkward to demand he tell me every word the Dr. says.
It's awkward to tell him I will be at that appt. with you today.
It's awkward to ask him how he feels.
If he's scared.
If he hurts.
It's awkward because I don't know if he wants me to ask, to be there, to demand.
I don't know my place.

It's unfamiliar territory to be a daughter to my Dad when
for so long we have been more like acquaintances.
But I am going to give it a try.
I love my Dad....and not just because he is my Dad and I should or I am supposed to.
I LOVE my Dad. I care. I worry.  I pray.
But, I have been worrying and praying and caring about his health
about his cancer
about his treatment.
With intent I will care and pray and worry about being the daughter I should be to
the Dad that he is.  Not the Dad he should have been or the Dad I wish he was
but the Dad he is.

Instagram Weekly

Another exciting edition of Instagram Weekly.

Pepper on popcorn is fantastic.

Sometimes when you sit in the bright sunshine it's so hot it helps to sit on a wet washcloth according to Daisy.

One of  my headboard ideas was featured on iVillage.....happy 'bout that.

Chloe got the game ball for doing a stellar job pitching.  My kid can play ball.

One of the joys of living at the lake.  The view.

I was an Esprit girl in the 80's and I still am when I find it at thrift shops.

Daisy loves catching sunny naps in the car rider line.

Saturday Mornings Are For **Glittering**

Pretty much once every month and a half Chloe comes to me
and asks if I have anything she can **Glitter**

Can you blame her ?
**Glittering** is fun.

I searched the studio for something....anything she could **Glitter**
because that is what she meant....anything.
Just give me something to **Glitter** Mom.

We decided this large A would be perfect.

I helped her keep the glue lines straight.
She chose the **Glitter** colors.
Even though I wanted to "help" her with the color combos I let her creative juices flow.

I truly had to toss aside my OCD as she wasted a lot of **Glitter**
"Try to keep it on the project Chloe....please"
I hid my eyes a lot.

20 minutes later she was done.

I adore the **Glittery** A

I sealed it with a clear coat and put it right over my desk to help me remember
what letter my name starts with and of course
of all the **Gliterry** times Chloe and I have had in the studio.

If history repeats itself, and we know it will, there will be many more.

Catching-Up Part Two

Let's pick up where we left off

I have been following every precious and trying step of Ashley's adoption story
If you have not been reading this Do it NOW .

We met us with some of Chloe's cousins that she has never met.

I started the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series.  I am on the second book.
I do not like them as well as the Hunger series, I know some of you said I would. Sorry.

I didn't buy this GIANT blue H.
I should have.
Regret.
It saw it on my birthday too.
I really should have bought it.
For me.
I kept asking myself where would you put with a 3 foot tall H ?
Ha.
Where wouldn't I put a 3 foot tall H.
Regret.

Chloe started pitching lessons.
This is her coach.
Girl's fastpitch softball pitching is amazing.

I boycotted Dunkin Donuts for changing their prices and charging me $1.99 for a small water.
That lasted a week.
Those munchkins are so good.
I have not purchased a water since though.

We got bored while Dad shopped for shoes.

Chloe got her ever loving heart broken because we would not buy the $1200 Italian Greyhound.
Yikes.
That's a car payment and then some.

I know pitiful huh ?
I felt like a real loser of a parent for letting her get it and hold it.
I knew that would happen.
The same thing happened to my parents when I was little.
It was a red weenie dog.
He was no where near $1200.
I cried and we took him home.
We named him Fritz.
I stopped the cycle by saying no to the greyhound.
It had to end somewhere.
Right ?

More of our Summer tomorrow or maybe the next day.
Right now I have to go get my spot on the couch.
Steelers Broncos.
Go STEELERS !!!

Happy Sunday

Catching-Up Part One

Let's play catch-up a minute....shall we ?

My Summer was lovely and fast ( yes I know it's still officially Summer, but when the kids go back to school technically Summer is over....right ?)

Here's the rundown:

My baby turned 8.

We watched Mr. Lochte swim.
USA !!

 My Dad was diagnosed with Cancer, I have been so fortunate in the sick family members realm, He is the first I have ever had to deal with. 
It's a strange thing to have a sick family member.
Kinda numbing...then kinda frustrating...then kinda numbing again.
His treatments start next week.
Hopeful. Nervous. Scared.

We got sand in our bathing suits.
A lot and often.

We ate (and wore) a lot of ice cream.

We of course we thrifted......duh.

That's not all.
We did oodles and oodles more.
Look for Catching-Up Part Two later this week.